Unemployed

I feel everything I’m not. Each new day brings feelings of hope and disappointment. I’m waiting. I’m not sure how much longer I can hold on though because I can feel my spirit slipping. Drowning in the sorrows of a broken spirit and losing sight of what the future may have. Why does this feeling seem permanent? The pain is making a home in my heart, and the baggage it brings weighs on my mind. Constantly reminded of where I am and where I am not.  I fear the change will never come. Anxiously awaiting in a constant repetition of stalemate. Every move I thought I needed to make is slowly pushing me out of the game. I sit rethinking the past 4 years and questioning if I have chosen the right path. I am here now, but I feel so lost. This gap year was supposed to help me find myself, figure out my life, but in reality it has only been causing me strife. The words I hate circle my mind, mocking my story as I write it at night. Alone, abandoned, confused, and now damaged. Useless I feel as the days begin to embed the words on my body. Numb to this life, all this strife, and the constant need to take flight. But my wings are clipped and the cage is evident. No songs of joy to be sung just words of encouragement to put down the gun. But the gun isn’t here. It’s over there. Held in the hands of those who choose my fate. They say it’s not too late, but then tell me why do I feel there is no escape?

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4 thoughts on “Unemployed”

  1. I don’t know the entire situation but from the title I assume that you are seeking employment. Difficult times but not impossible and all I can say is that whatever decision you make at a time it was probably the best at that moment even if it doesn’t work out as planned. Look at your options and don’t be afraid of taking action, even if it means to step back again. Good luck and may tomorrow bring more of what you need

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      1. I don’ know if this will help but three years ago I separated from my wife and moved to a garage apartment downtown. It was dirty and old and I felt lonely and miserable. While on bed crying about my miserable life I heard a noise out on the alley and when I looked I saw a homeless man looking through the garbage. At that moment I realized that no matter how bad it gets, it can always be worse. I take life one day at a time and whatever I have it’s enough if I am able to appreciate it. ❤

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      2. That does help. I do try to remind myself that things will get better and to remember to be fortunate for the health, family, and life I have today. I never expected life to hit so hard after college and figuring out everything seems endless at times but I know someday I will look back on a this worry and smile

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