(After scrolling through some posts I realized I never published this one. Quite a bit of time has passed since then so the timeline listed is in no way currently accurate. This was me back in early December.)
After being broken up with my ex for over a year now, one fling, and a few heart breaks in between I realized that I wanted more out of my dating life. I just wanted to meet someone with substance and character, someone who wanted to chase after life with a passion. I had been toying with the thought of joining an online dating website and almost using it as a threat after each relationship I was pursuing didn’t work out. Then I finally struck up their nerve and thought what do I have to lose.
So a few days ago..eight to be exact, I joined eHarmony. I wanted to be in control of who I met and when I met them. I thought this would be a quick fix to past heart ache and the right step to meeting “the one”. That’s what online dating was supposed to do right? I was that kid at six flags who got their fast pass ticket and expected the ride to be better just because I could skip over everyone else. But as the hours turned into days and mister perfect had yet to be found I began to realize how naive I was being. Finding my soul mate was something I thought I could actively go about seeking out. I was trying to bypass the excitement of the first time we would meet, to imagining what dress I would be walking down the aisle in.
I was over waiting and casual flirting. I was tired of figuring out what text to send that says I’m fun and flirty but have morals and standards. I was ready to be moving past those chapters of my life and pursing something that would last. But what I wasn’t ready to do was truely invest in myself and someone else’s life to get to that point. Not yet anyways.
Not letting God work my life out I wanted a quick fix for my current heartache, but I suppose finding your true love takes more than 6 days and swiping through pics determining if someone is hot or not. It take true investment in yourself and someone else. You have to be ready to really be open with yourself about who you are looking for and what you actually need in a relationship. So after filtering through my so called needs of finding a bad boy with a sweet side, but someone who also wants a family and gets a tad dorky over traditions I realized that what I wanted was someone I could pre-oder online and have delivered hot and ready (take that however you please). I wasn’t ready to let go of those childish things and actually look for a real man. Well I thought I was but deep down I knew that my impatience meant more than I wanted it to. I was rushing into things instead of allowing God to lead me.
I definitely not discrediting eHarmony at all. I think it’s a really good dating site but I felt as though I was using it at the wrong time in my life. I am going through so many transitions right now and that’s pretty much what being in your 20s is, one huge transitions. Forget finding myself, I’m creating the me I have always dreamed of and that means taking time to be selfish. So while I may have met the one using eHarmony it wouldn’t be fair to either of us at this point in time because of where I am at in my life. I definitely haven’t given up on the finding the one just putting that chapter on pause for a little while longer is all.