This wasn’t my life

The blood was on my hands now. It’s warmth bathed over my fingers and ran through my palms. All I could see was red, but if you knew what I had been through you’d see it the same as me. I left his body there face down. Lying like he always was. Well tonight I had the last word, and it’ll be my story running through those papers tomorrow, or whenever they find him. I stood back pushing myself up off of the white wool rug that was now covered in crimson and brushed my hands through my hair. He always did like leaving his mark on me. We would make love and he’d cry out how I was his bitch and to spread my legs more like this as his rough hands slide between my thighs to apply more pressure. That was Davis. Lord only knows why I ever married that man. He was about as tactful as a slob in a suit, but he said I captured his eyes like the rarest jewel he had ever seen. I was young I suppose. Papa said I had a head full of marbles, and that the best thing for me to do would to be find a man to satisfy.

The bath water was hot but I slide in anyway. The water turned a sultry red as I submerged myself until it tickled at my nose. Life and death is a beautiful mystery. We never asked to be born but once we are we are forced to chose a path in life. Well I never chose this path but Davis sure did. My mind began to wander weaving itself through a dark forest on a cold night I suddenly became lost in this new world. Why is it kept so cold here? My hands shivered similar to the day I saw daddy getting off on Sarah. She was my playmate from next door. That’s when daddy ran up on me and wrapped his big hand around my throat and shoved me hard against the back wall. “You ever repeat a word of this to your momma and you’ll be dead faster than I can squeeze the pathetic air out of your tiny negro lungs” Well I wasn’t no fool. I ran away that night faster than I could have ever ran in my entire life. I was only 8 and had no where to go so I waded through the swampy back waters and climbed as high as I could into the big ole maple tree that overlooked Oak Groove. I sobbed for hours trying to figure out what went wrong and what papa was doing to Sarah. I feel asleep there as the cool wind drifted away my worries. I wish I was like the birds. Free to fly as they please. The sun stroked at my face through the dewy leaves and I jolted awake. Momma was going to have my hide for not coming home last night. I jumped from the tree hoping the grass would cushion my fall but I ended up tumbling into the bank. The new dress momma had sown caught on a branch and left a huge tear. I used the other corner of it to wipe up some of the blood from where the limb had also caught my leg. Wading back through the water was harder than I thought it would be as the current seemed stronger, and the wound shinged with pain as the cool water came over it.

I tried sneaking in through the back door but papa’s glare caught me. Tears streamed over my cheeks and I…

“May. May dear you can’t stay in that tub all night. Go ahead and dry off and come out” Your father has a special treat for you.” Okay mommy I’m coming, I shouted back through the tall wooden door. The blood? It’s all gone. I brace my head and slide my back over the coolness of the tub into the water again. None of this makes any sense. None of it.

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