Because strength isn’t something that chooses us, I have decided to choose it today and pursue a new path. Redirection is good for the soul because it allows it to take flight on an unfamiliar road to test its endurance and courage.
I believe in myself.
I think that’s what I’ve been missing since I moved. I robbed myself of the ability to believe in my own strength and caged myself in doubts of my abilities.
But not anymore!
I see for myself now. Beautiful isn’t it? Being able to see the world through your own eyes instead of relying on the perceptions painted by others. Where has this concept been my whole life?
Growing up we are told what to think, believe, feel, and trust. It wasn’t until I became pregnant that I realized I will now have someone relying on me to make those decisions for her. Scary! I don’t want her to deny her own emotional exploration. So my job will prove to be tedious and worrisome ensuring I don’t shelter her from a world that can be extremely violent and amazingly beautiful at the same time.
To do that though I have to first set myself free from the shelter I was raised in. My eyes have been so protected from the world that it still quivers at the sight of others struggling in pain. (I’ll let you decide how to take that statement.)
One of my first priorities is to stop seeing myself as just a pregnant woman. I am much more than that. My gait may be off at times and I struggle to get out of bed from the weight of my baby pushing back on me, but I am strong, agile, quick, and tireless.
My second priority is to stop visualizing my goals as being placed by someone other than me. My goals are for me and the path I choose is to be taken by me.
I must walk this journey of freedom with my eyes open and my arms spread wide so that I may entangle my spirit in the fruits and goodness of those around me.