My heart still aches from the words he said last night directed at our daughter. Maybe I’m making it into something more than it is, but I can’t help but still feel angry with him.
We’ve all said it, thought it, and been told it. So why is it that when it’s whispered to our little girl as she’s crying for the 15th time last night my heart breaks? Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought dads were supposed to be there for their little girls and treat them with respect. I thought little girls are supposed to be able to look up to the fathers as a model for how they should be treated by their future husbands.
My heart broke last night because I thought he knew that too. But maybe I was wrong. I just don’t get it. He’s never once told me to shut up or disrespected me but when it comes to our daughter he bullys her at times.
Okay…okay….maybe he doesn’t exactly textbook definition bully her but he can seem heartless and extremely impatient with her. I lose track of how many times I get up with her each night and the one time he does, he says that to her. There she is just crying her little eyes out and instead of trying to comfort her he just tells her to shup up and puts her back in her crib.
I didn’t have my father around growing up and perhaps I’ve placed an unattainable relationship expectation on him and her’s relationship. I just want her to have the father I never did. And I know his mother never told him to shut up as a baby so that’s why my heart is hurting so badly.
I made him promise me he’d never say it to her again but I doubt he even met it. Before she was born he seemed so excited to be a father but afterwards I can’t say the same.
He doesn’t want to give up his time or his lifestyle to make room for her. That’s why I often tell him that I don’t want anymore kids. I can’t be the only one making changes in their life. I have already given up so much for her.
It’s truly the little things I wish he would say or notice. It would be nice to hear a thank you for all of the countless hours of sleep I lose each night just so he can sleep longer or him even just offering to watch her so I can go out. I try to tell him but by the time I go to say something I’m already upset with him about it.
It’s not all bad though. He does make an effort and he’s come a long way since the day we brought her home. I know he loves her but I wish he would care for her more like how he cares for me.
We’re going to a couples postpartum meeting Monday, and I hope that helps him better understand what I’ve been going through. It just makes me want to scream at him and go back to living with my mom when he treats her like that.