Rocky Waters

Staying calm in the midst of a storm is one hard task to do!

Today I found out that I won’t be reimburst for my daughter’s first doctor visit. To some it’s whatever, but to me it’s a lot. $98 is hard to come by when your savings is running out because of the constant need to add it back to the checking account.

Needless to say, I freaked out and cried. I am so done of feeling so helpless but what can I do?

I’m angry, frustrated, hurt, and anxious. I feel so many things at once it’s overwhelming and tiring. Most days I’m left feeling emotionally drained. I know I need to pull it together. I can’t have my daughter seeing me like this every other day.

Sometimes I wonder if I do have mild postpartum depression, but I don’t want to add anything more to my current list of worries.

So instead I decided to just put my feelings out there. I texted my fiancé and just laid out what I was experiencing. To my surprise he said exactly what I was needing to hear.

Pray. Turn your heart to Christ.

Immediately my heart turned sour and I didn’t want anything to do with Christ. Perhaps I’m angry with Him for causing me to hang in limbo like this. Mad at Him for not just giving me a job when I asked for it. Mad that He’s taking so long to answer my prayers. And mad that He is making me turn to Him and His word again and again for help, for answers, and for clearity.

But He’s the only one who can help me. So I swallowed my pride and got real with Christ. I just started talking to Him and when I ran out of words I started praising Him.

Praising God in the midst of my troubles was something I started doing a while ago. I can’t say why but it always helps clear my head and calm me down. When I transfer my focus back to Christ my troubles don’t feel so overwhleming and the waters I’m wading in don’t feel so deep.

To God be all the Glory!

Katrina G. is TheCurlyBlogger

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